are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
