I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
