She's JV to your varsity
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
