Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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