Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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