i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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