can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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