I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
