Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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