Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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