Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
