I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
