you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
