i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
