i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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