I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We got so high we made milksteak
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
