just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
