I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
