You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
