did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
