Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
