I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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