I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
