just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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