As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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