so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
