you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
