Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm just crazy horny about you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
