Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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