1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
