u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Life is so much better after having sex.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
