My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
