When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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