Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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