need another drink. this is the easiest way
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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