My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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