I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
