i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
