Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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