I showed him my bush... on skype.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize