so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
