I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Congratulations! We have a period
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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