Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
