The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
