is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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