I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
