A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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