I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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