how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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