Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
