A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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