i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
