that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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