then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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