dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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