Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
