It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
