let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
