soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
