I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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