Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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