once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
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First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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