i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I could make wine with my vomit
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
