I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
