Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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