He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
