i think my tv is drunk
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
