you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
