i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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