she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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