So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
