and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
