What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
