Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is the high leading the old right now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
