You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
